Words Can Hurt But Sometimes Heal
by Bottled Chaos
Summary: **SLASH! RATED M FOR LANGUAGE!** Remus and Sirius are finally happy. Together at last and everything is perfect. Well, that is until something happens to make Remus' world turn upside down. Can Sirius fix his mistakes? Or will Remus blame himself as usual?
1. Light

**Hello! Okay. I'm coming out with it now. REVIEW PLEASE AND I WILL LOVE YOUR FACES FOREVER! *Licks laptop screen* :3 AND it will make me update faster! **

**I own nothing... *sigh***

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**Friendship**

Remus Lupin stirred his tea quietly, his golden brown eyes scanning the book on his lap. It was loud in the great hall but Remus blocked it out completely, focusing only on his transfiguration book.

"But she was _hot_ mate!"

Well. He blocked it out _almost _completely. It was after all, slightly hard to ignore James Potter's booming voice right next to him, insisting that Sirius Black's latest 'Girlfriend' was 'hot'. Remus admitted defeat and closed the book, looking up at his three friends.

"She wasn't that hot..." Sirius said, pushing his long black hair out of his eyes. His eyes glanced at Remus for the smallest second, before he looked away, grinning.

"Besides, she was crap at snogging." He added, stabbing his fork into his dinner. Remus rolled his eyes and sipped his tea. It was no secret that Sirius was a ladies man. He had been with half the school already. Males included. It was a rather interesting turn of events when Sirius stood on top of his broom, in the middle of a quidditch game, and yelled that he was Bisexual. Remus felt his stomach flutter slightly as Sirius looked at him again.

"I'm going to take a guess here and say you've dumped her by owl?" Remus asked, looking at Sirius like he was a child caught doing something wrong.

Sirius merely winked at him (Remus felt his face heat up slightly) and pointed to the Ravenclaw table where a girl was sitting, clutching a note and looking outraged.

"You really know me well Moony." Sirius grinned.

Remus rolled his eyes again.

"You know Sirius, it's quite disgusting how you treat people sometimes."

James, Sirius and Peter all looked at him. Peter was looking confused, James was smirking and Sirius looked quiet mischievous.

"What?" He asked, shifting slightly, feeling self-conscious.

"We all know you're Mr Perfect when it comes to the ladies moony, but some of us are a littl-" Sirius began before Remus cut in.

"I've never had a girl- Been in a _relationship_ before and you know that perfectly well." Remus stopped himself saying the word girl-friend. He was gay after all...

James' jaw dropped and Peter spluttered slightly. Sirius just stared at him, his expression unreadable. Remus frowned down at his mug, trying to avoid the others eyes.

"You've never had a bird before?!" James all but screamed. Several students within earshot heard and sniggered, clearly finding it amusing. Remus scowled at him and whispered.

"No."

James looked like he was about to burst with excitement, Peter looked slightly smug due to the fact he currently had a girlfriend and Sirius looked almost triumphant.

Remus shifted in his seat again uncomfortably.

"Well, its time we get you a woman Moony!" James said, smacking Remus on the back.

"No." Remus growled, shoving his book into his bag. "I'm perfectly happy being single. Besides, who wants to date a monster?"

James spat his pumpkin juice everywhere in shock, Peter's mouth hung open and Sirius shot up, grabbing Remus' shirt collar from across the table. Remus whimpered as Sirius pulled him closer, pressing his mouth to Remus' left ear.

"You are _not_ a monster, Remus J Lupin. You are a human being." He growled, shoving Remus back. Remus steadied himself, his eyes as wide as plates as he looked at Sirius, who was still standing, a look of pure rage on his face. Remus couldn't move, he had never seen Sirius so angry, his eyes were almost black as he scanned Remus' face, looking for any signs of defiance. Remus nodded slightly and Sirius sat back down, stabbing his dinner with more force than necessary. Remus chewed the bottom of his lip and looked at James, who was looking at Sirius in a kind of reproaching way. Remus tried to speak, but it was caught in his throat. He stood up and walked out of the great hall quickly, trying to avoid the stares from his fellow Gryffindors. He walked quickly all the way to the Gryffindor common room, trying not to think too much about how Sirius' breath against his ear made his knee's tremble and his skin prickle.

"Remus!"

Remus turned around and saw Mary Brown standing at the bottom of the stairs, grinning up at him.

"Oh, Hey Mary." Remus said, smiling. She beamed back and pushed her short black hair behind her ears, walking up a few more stairs.

"I was wondering if I could ask you something." She began, smiling awkwardly.

"Sure, ask away." Remus said, walking down so they were standing together. She opened her mouth to speak but was drowned out by Sirius walking around the corner, whistling. He looked up at Remus and broke into a breathtaking grin.

"Oh! Hey Moony!" He straightened up and flung an arm around Remus' shoulders, smiling at Mary. Mary smiled back, but looked slightly unnerved as she continued to speak.

"So, Remus, I was wondering if you would, erm...like to go out with me?" She asked, blushing. Remus felt the air leave his lungs as his brain quickly tried to think of a valid reason to say no.

_Just tell her the truth! _

No. I can't.

_Yes, you can Remus. Don't lie to people anymore, it's time you told them._

Piss off brain. I'm **not **telling them I'm gay!

"Er? Remus?"

Remus shook his head, trying to get the thoughts out of his head as Mary frowned at him, waiting for an answer. Remus looked at Sirius out of the corner of his eye. Sirius looked at his panicked expression winked. He leaned closer to Remus and muttered under his breath, quietly enough so that Mary couldn't hear.

"Play along."

Remus frowned as Sirius smiled, turning to face Mary again.

"I'm very sorry Mary, but Remus is currently in a relationship."

Mary's smile faltered as she looked at Remus, who was staring at Sirius, his mouth opened slightly.

"With who?" She asked, frowning slightly. Remus opened his mouth to say a random name when Sirius cut him off.

"Me."

Remus felt his face heat up and his mouth open with a pop. Mary's eyes grew to the size of tennis balls as she stared between the two of them. By the look on her face, she expected them to burst out laughing and tell her they were kidding.

"Are...Are you really?" She asked, looking at Remus.

Remus didn't trust his voice, so he merely nodded his head. Mary narrowed her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

"Prove it."

Remus stared at her. How the bloody hell was he supposed to prove something that isn't true?! No matter now much he wished it _was _true...

"How exactly do-"

Remus' sentence was cut off as Sirius removed his arm from his shoulder, placed one hand on Remus' face and the other on his hip. Remus froze, his heart beating at 100mph as Sirius winked at him and pulled him closer. Their lips met and it was like someone had set Remus on fire. He could faintly hear Mary's outburst of "Oh My God!" But he didn't care. All he cared about was Sirius' lips on his, making his head spin and his face burn. He put both his hands behind Sirius' neck and pulled him closer, tracing his tongue along Sirius' bottom lip. Sirius moaned into his mouth, gripping Remus harder than before and pushing their chests together. Remus felt a third hand on his arm and he was suddenly being pulled off Sirius. He opened his eyes and saw Mary standing between them, looking rather flustered. Sirius was still staring at Remus, his face bright red.

"Okay, I believe you! No need to almost swallow each other in front of me!" She laughed, rolling her eyes. She gave Remus a quick hug and smiled at Sirius before turning and walking away.

They both just stood there, staring at each other.

It was almost like an elastic band snapped between them and they were all over each other again, kissing and touching every inch of each other they could, trying not to fall over in the process. It must have been at least 15 minutes before Sirius pulled away, panting slightly as he touched his forehead to Remus'.

"That was-"

"I can bearly-"

"I know."

They both grinned at each other and laughed slightly at their outburst.

"So, what happens now?" Remus asked, blushing slightly. Sirius cocked his head slightly, thinking.

"What do you mean?"

"About...Us..." Remus muttered, squirming slightly and feeling embarrassed. Sirius frowned and it finally dawned on Remus that Sirius was only kissing him to make Mary believe the lie. Remus felt his eyes burn slightly. He heard Sirius sigh and felt him put a finger under his chin, pushing his head up so they were looking into each others eyes.

"Remus John Lupin, that was the best snog I've ever had in my life. You can't expect me to not want to be your boyfriend after _that!_"

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**Chapter two shall be up soooooooon! REVIEW PLEASE! **

**Mischief Managed. **


	2. Darkness

**REVIEWS! Please? *begs* Here's chapter twooooooooo! Remus is the italic writing and Sirius is the bold. :3 **

**I own nothing... unfortunately. **

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Sirius chewed his quill as he looked over his history of magic notes. They looked messy and rushed, as per usual. He frowned and looked to his left at Remus. His sandy coloured hair was in it's usual messy, short ponytail, random strands falling around his scarred face. Sirius felt himself smile as he thought about the fact that Remus was his. His Moony. As Professor Binns continued talking, causing half the class to groan, Remus felt a piece of parchment hit the side of his head. He turned around and saw Sirius raise his eyebrows at the parchment. He frowned at him as he picked it up, opening it.

**Remus, can you meet me in the broom closet after class? Bring your lips. And arse. It's urgent.**

_Sirius, no. I have to go to the library and meet Joshua. _Remus scribbled back.

**I don't like that Joshua bloke. He fancies you.**

_He does not! And why don't you like him? He's nice._

**I don't like him because he always stares at your arse. **

_What does it matter if he's slightly...fond. Of me? _

**It matters because you are MY Moony and always will be my Moony. My perfect little Moony.**

_Sirius, have I ever told you I love you?_

**Yes, but I wouldn't mind if you told me again.**_  
_

_I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. _

**I love you too, you sappy git. So...about that broom closet meeting...**

_No, I'm busy and get your hand away from there! _

**You look cute when you're all flustered and shy.**

_Sirius, I swear if you don't get your hand off my thigh, I will destroy you._

_**.**_**..kinky.**_  
_

_Sirius!_

**Okay! Okay!**

_I sometimes wonder why I put up with you._

**Because, as you previously stated, you love me.**

_Hmm...Well, I'm starting to think I don't._

**...**

_In fact...I think I'm falling for someone else._

**If you dare say who I think-**

_I wonder if Joshua would be interested in a date with me.._**  
**

_OW SIRIUS! Bloody hell I was kidding!_

**That's what you get. Prat.**

_You're adorable when you're jealous. _

**Arse.**

_I'll make it up to you._

**...How?**

_I'll show you in the broom closet._**  
**

The sound of the bell made Sirius jump, as he grabbed the notes he and Remus had been passing and shoved them into his bag. As the class piled out into the corridor, Remus attempted to make a run for it. But Sirius was too quick as he grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him into the nearest broom closet he could find.

"Sirius!" Remus groaned as Sirius pushed him against the wall, his hands either side of Remus' head, enclosing him.

"You promised." Sirius said, grinning. Remus sighed and rolled his eyes as Sirius and put his hands on Sirius' hips, pulling him closer.

"So...How exactly were you going to make it up to me?" Sirius asked, winking.

Remus merely leaned closer and pressed their lips together.

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It was another half an hour before they both emerged from the broom closet, panting slightly and looking extremely flushed and ruffled. They both walked hand in hand to the Gryffindor common room, where they met James and Peter, both playing chess.

"Where the hell have you two been?" James asked, flicking Peters white pawn over.

"Broom Closet." Sirius said plainly, flopping down on the couch in front of the fire. Remus growled at him as James laughed, throwing the pillow he was sitting on at him.

Remus sighed and sat down beside Sirius, leaning against his shoulder.

"Remus, this letter came for you earlier." James said, pulling a small white envelope out of his robe pocket. Remus frowned.

"Why did it come to you?" He asked, taking it from James.

"The owl was pecking the window in the dorm so hard it almost broke the glass, so I took it the letter so it would piss off. Don't worry, I didn't open it."

Remus smiled as he flipped the letter open.

His heart almost stopped.

"Remus? What's wrong?" Sirius asked, seeing Remus' shocked expression. James and Peter crossed to where they were sitting.

"Remus? Remus, what is it?" James asked, trying to take the letter from Remus' frozen fingers. Remus let out a small noise from the back of his throat, and then he slumped, collapsing on the floor in a heap.

"REMUS!" They all shouted, jumping down to help him. James and Sirius pulled him up by the arms and sat him back on the couch, trying to wake him up.

"Rem? Remmy, you need to look at me! Remus, please open your eyes." Sirius said, shaking Remus slightly, but Remus wasn't responding. His face was white, his eyes closed and his body was shaking violently.

"Um...guys?"

James and Sirius turned around and saw Peter holding Remus' letter in his hands, his expression looked shocked. Almost terrified.

Sirius crossed the room in two strides and grabbed the letter from Peter and read it.

"Remus.." Sirius began, but the words were sticking in his throat. "I-I'm so...so sorry."

_Mr Remus J Lupin,_

_We regret to inform you that there has been an attack at your mothers household. It is suspected it was by death eaters. Her body was found in the rubble, still breathing. She was brought to us but unfortunately had passed away at 3:25pm on Thursday, April 4th._

_We are very sorry for your loss.  
_

_Helena James,_

_St Mungo's._

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**DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN. depressing right? I promise it will get happier. (But the next few chapters are very dark and angsty) REVIEW! **_  
_

**~PureBloodArts**


	3. You are such an idiot

**FINALLY! Sorry! I've been so busy with school lately, I've had to stop updating as much. BUT! I'll hopefully have chapter 4 and MAYBE chapter 5 up by Sunday night. Reviews reeeeeeeeallllllyyyy make me type faster ;-) **

**Much Love!  
~PureBloodArts**

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_"Remus!"_

"_Mother!" Remus stumbled forward, his legs refusing to move fast enough for him to catch up with his Mother, who was running towards the darkness, her sandy hair flying behind her._

_"Mother, please! Please wait for me! Don't go!" Remus shouted, his voice wobbling as more tears poured down his face._

_"Remus..." she said, her voice fading slightly as she put one foot into the darkness. Remus tried to run towards her again, to pull her back from the darkness, but his feet refused to move forward._

_"Mother! Mum please! Don't leave me..." He shouted, as she put her whole leg into the darkness, turning her body slightly to face her only son._

_"Goodbye Remus."_

_Remus wanted to scream but all his mouth could let out was a small whimper that sounded something like a sob. His mother smiled slightly and walked into the darkness, disappearing from sight. Remus could feel the cold wind whipping his hair around his ears as he shouted for his mother to come back. _

_She didn't._

_"Mummy.." He sobbed pathetically, falling forward onto the grass and curled into a small ball, wishing for nothing more than the world to swallow him up._

"Remus."

_"Mummy...please.. "_

"Remus!"

Remus shot up, panting and sweating. He rubbed his eyes roughly and let out a soft sigh of relief when he realized he was in his Gryffindor bed. His red blanket were tangled around his legs, his bear chest and arms where covered with sweat and he was trembling slightly. He let out a small sob as the weight of the dream fell upon him again, causing his heart to plummet.

"Remus..."

Remus jumped as he realized he wasn't alone. He turned around and saw the faint outline of someone else, a boy, lying beside him on the bed. The boys arms were wrapped around Remus' waist and his legs were intertwined with Remus' own. Remus stuck his hand out of his bed and groped around for his wand. Realizing what he was trying to do, the other boy pulled his own wand from behind his back and muttered "Lumos."

The small bed was lit up and Remus squinted against the light. He felt relief rush over him as he saw the boy was Sirius, his face full of worry as he looked back at Remus, a small line forming between his eyebrows.

"Nightmare?" Sirius asked, his grey eyes full of pity.

Remus didn't trust his voice, so he merely nodded his head, his eyes burning slightly as he fought back the tears. Sirius sighed again as he pulled Remus' body towards his own and held him there, rubbing his back with his thumb. Remus nuzzled his face into Sirius' neck and Sirius pressed his lips to Remus' hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sirius whispered, kissing Remus' head again.

"No..Not right now..." Remus' muffled voice came from Sirius' neck. Sirius lay back down, pulling Remus with him so he was lying beside him.

"I know this is hard for you Remus, but I'm here for you if you need to talk to me and I always will be." Sirius whispered, closing his eyes. Remus felt his face blush slightly as the words sunk in. He pushed himself up slightly so he was facing Sirius.

"I know, thank you." He muttered, pressing their foreheads together. Sirius laughed slightly as he saw Remus was blushing. Remus scowled at him as Sirius winked.

"I don't know why I put up with you." Remus laughed as Sirius pretended to look hurt.

"I'm offended Moony!" He said dramatically. "I may as well just leave then!"

Sirius untangled his legs and swung them over the edge of the bed. Remus whimpered slightly and pulled him back roughly, so Sirius was straddling him. Sirius grinned and brought his lips down to the tip of Remus' nose. Remus sighed happily and pulled Sirius down so they were lying together again.

"Love you" Remus yawned, nuzzling back into the crook of Sirius' neck. He felt Sirius laugh and mutter against his head.

"Love you too."

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

"And so, by flicking your wand with more force, you will receive better results." Professor Flitwick said, smiling down at Sirius, who nodded his head and grunted noncommittally.

The Professor smiled again and turned to help a Hufflepuff who had managed to turn their vinegar into milk. Sirius' eyes looked over the class. He spotted James talking to Lily, who was laughing at something he had said, he also saw Remus talking to Joshua, pointing at the vinegar the class were suppose to be turning into wine. Sirius smiled as he saw Remus speak works of encouragement to the Hufflepuff boy. Remus really had a skill for helping people, he would make a brilliant teacher. Sirius' smile quickly turned into a scowl as he saw Joshua's hand brush against Remus' leg. Remus didn't seem to notice as he continued to speak, still pointing towards the vinegar. Joshua seemed to realize this and he let his hand brush against Remus' leg again, more obviously this time.

Remus stopped talking and turned bright red, turning to look at Joshua. He said something that Sirius couldn't hear and sat down, scratching his head. Joshua sat down beside him and put a hand on Remus' arm, stroking it softly. Sirius didn't know what made him more angry, the fact that another boy had his hands on Remus or the fact that Remus leaned into the touch and smiled slightly. Sirius growled under his breath slightly as he watched Remus smile and begin to speak to Joshua. Joshua smiled and nodded along with whatever Remus was telling him. Remus suddenly went ridged and looked slightly sad as he continued talking, still too quiet for Sirius to hear. Joshua looked pitiful as he listened to whatever it was Remus was telling him. Remus finished what he was saying and smiled softly at Joshua.

Sirius almost screamed as Joshua leaned in and hugged Remus, pulling him close. Remus' eyes went slightly wide but he just smiled and hugged him back. Sirius felt anger flood over him as they hugged. What the hell was Remus doing?! He knew Sirius didn't like Joshua. The bell rang and Sirius jumped up, shoving his notes and his wand into his bag. He stormed out of the class without a backwards glance.

"Sirius! Oi! Padfoot!"

Sirius stopped walking and sighed as James ran up to him, stopping beside him.

"What was that all about?" he asked, looking at Sirius reproachingly.

"Nothing." Sirius grunted, turning to walk away. James grabbed his arm and sighed.

"Is this because Remus was talking to that bloke again?" He asked, running a hand through his already messy hair.

"Maybe." Was all Sirius said. James relaxed a little and cocked his head slightly.

"I did think they were getting a little close. I mean, he won't talk to me about his mum but he'll talk to Joshua about it?" James muttered, rolling his eyes.

Sirius felt like someone had grabbed his heart and squeezed it tightly. So that's what they were talking about... Remus **never** spoke to James, Peter or him about his mums death. So he wouldn't talk to his _boyfriend_ about it but he could talk to someone else? Sirius grunted again and walked with James back to the common room.

Sirius couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed as he thought about how Remus felt he could confine in Joshua, but he couldn't in him. He was his boyfriend! If he couldn't trust him then who could he trust?

Sirius and James plonked down on the couch and began talking about quidditch practice.

An hour later, Remus walked through the portrait hole, a stupid grin on his face.

"Hey guys." He greeted happily as he sat down on the armchair across from the couch.

"Hey" James smiled back, as he turned to face Sirius again. Sirius just stared at the floor, biting his lip.

"Are you going to your dads for Summer Moony?" James asked, clearly trying to break the awkward silence.

"Yeah, I'll go make sure he's okay and stuff. Sirius? Are you okay?" Remus asked as he pulled a book from his bag. Sirius nodded sharply and stood up, walking away towards the dorms.

"What was that about?" He heard Remus ask James, who sighed and muttered something that made Remus groan. Sirius opened the door to the boys dorm and flopped down on his bed, pulling his wand from his bag. He was just levitating his pillow around the room when Remus walked in, his book still in his hand.

"Sirius, you can't seriously be mad at me for something as stupid as talking to someone." Remus said, sounding tired. Sirius stopped playing with the pillow and looked at Remus.

"I'm not." He said simply. Remus raised one eyebrow and leaned against Sirius' bedpost.

"You look pretty pissed off." He commented. Sirius scowled at him and turned so he wasn't facing Remus anymore.

"Where did you go after class?" Sirius asked him, struggling to keep his voice steady.

"I was at the library." Remus said simply.

"With him?" Sirius asked, a small growl in his voice. He heard Remus gasp slightly and felt him sit beside him on the bed.

"I knew this was about Joshua!" he said, sounding slightly angry. "Why are you so against he and I being friends?"

Sirius turned and faced him, narrowing his eyes and setting his jaw.

"I'm _angry _Remus, because you're spending more and more time with him and you were talking about your mum with him today. You told me you weren't ready to talk about her, but you can make an exception for him?"

Remus looked livid. Sirius shrunk back slightly as he saw a flash of red in his usually golden eyes.

"Don't you _dare_ try that on me Sirius Orion Black! I told you I wasn't ready to talk about it because I wasn't! But Joshua's mother died when he was 9 so he knows how I feel!"

Sirius shrunk back slightly as he realized how childish he had been. He opened his mouth to say sorry but the apology was stuck in his throat. Remus shook his head and stood up, walked to his bed and crawled in, shutting the curtains to block Sirius from seeing him.

Sirius sighed and lay back, shutting his eyes.

"Sirius Black you are such an idiot." He muttered to himself before curling up and falling asleep.


	4. Monster

**Hello again! This chapter is dedicated to TechNomaNcer28, KayleighOx and Skye. Thank you for reviewing TechNomaNcer and KayleighOx, your reviews made me smile:3. And thank-you for giving me the confidence to put this out there Skye. Reviews! They really make me smile:3 **

**Much Love as always! **

**~PureBloodArts**

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Remus stared into the compartment before him, debating whether or not to sit with his three best friends or not. He looked around and saw James reading a quidditch magazine, frowning in concentration as he read the article, Peter was eating a licorice wand and Sirius doing what he had been doing for the past week. Staring at Remus with that bloody puppy dog look on his face. Remus mentally sighed and slid into the compartment, sitting next to Peter. He pulled a book out of his pocket and tried to focus on the writing in front of him.

He hadn't been able to escape Sirius' gaze for the past week. Everywhere he went he could feel Sirius eyes burning a hole in the back of his mind. They hadn't spoke since the day of the argument in the dorm. Remus woke up and was prepared to forgive Sirius but immediately changed his mind when he was walking to the great hall and found Sirius about to hex Joshua into next week. He had never been so angry or disappointed with Sirius in his entire life. Remus was beginning to feel like they were slipping further and further away from each other every day. He wanted to forgive Sirius more than anything, but he was driving him up the wall. Refusing to talk to anyone and whenever anyone so much as looked at Remus, Sirius hexed them.

James yawned and threw his magazine down, turning to face Sirius.

"Mate, I'm bored. Let's go hex some slytherin goons!" He said, his eyes lighting up mischievously. Sirius didn't remove his gaze from Remus' face as he grunted. James rolled his eyes and turned to Peter who was still eating.

"Peter, your time has come. Come forth with me and we shall smite thy Slytherin bastards!" James proclaimed, holding an imaginary sword high above his head. Peter laughed and jumped up, leaving the compartment, with James right behind him.

Remus looked up from his book and he felt his heart speed up as he realized he was alone with Sirius. Sirius stood up and moved beside Remus so they were sitting side by side.

"Moony. I'm sorry."

Remus put his book down gently on his lap and turned his head to look at Sirius. He looked tired and very desperate as he looked into Remus' eyes. It was a heartbreaking sight. Suddenly, everything that had been said and done, didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Sirius.

Remus sighed and his hand on Sirius' face, smiling as Sirius' face brightened up at the touch.

"I'm sorry too." He said, rubbing Sirius' jaw with his thumb. Sirius broke into a breath taking grin as Remus leaned in and kissed his lips slightly. Remus suddenly felt his eyes widen slightly as he felt Sirius hand on his thigh. He pulled back as his breathing hitched as Sirius' hand climbed higher and higher.

"Merlin, Sirius! Not here!" Remus managed to squeak out, as Sirius grinned at him. He was just about to reach the point of no return when there was a light tapping at the door. Remus sighed with relief but it quickly turned into a whimper as Sirius' hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they traveled around Remus' body. There was another tap at the door and Sirius groaned, ducking his head under Remus' chin to kiss his neck.

"Piss off!" He shouted.

"Sirius!" Remus scolded half heartedly as he stood to open the door. He yanked the door open and saw Joshua standing there, looking slightly embarrassed. Remus smiled warmly at him and invited him into the compartment.

"Oh, I was wondering if I could have a _private_ word with you..." Joshua said, blushing slightly.

"Oh, right, okay." Remus smiled as he slid out of the compartment. Joshua smiled as he handed Remus a small piece of parchment. Remus frowned at him.

"What's this?" He asked, opening the parchment.

_12 Hallow Lane, Glasgow._

"It's my address, I was wondering if you would like to spend a week with me in the summer at some point? We could stay at my dad's house for a while." Joshua said, looking slightly nervous.

"I would love to." Remus smiled and tucked the parchment into his pocket. Joshua beamed and walked back to the rest of his friends. Remus was about to turn around and walk back into the compartment when he felt a large hand grab the back of his shirt and drag him into the compartment.

"Sirius! What are you _doing_?!"

Sirius stood in front of Remus, shaking from head to foot looking livid. Remus stared at him, waiting for an answer.

"You're not going to his house." He said, his voice sounding slightly rough.

_Here we go again._ Remus thought to himself.

"You're not my fucking parent Sirius." Remus scowled, closing his eyes in frustration. Sirius growled slightly and Remus snapped his eyes open to glare at him.

"Merlin, Sirius! When are you going to stop being such a jealous mess?!" He shouted, anger lacing his words.

"When you stop going behind my back with him!" Sirius shouted back, equally as angry.

"I'm not snogging him or anything Sirius! He's just my friend." Remus said, forcing himself to calm down.

"I can't trust you alone with him anymore." Sirius said simply. Remus just stared at him like he had gone insane.

Sirius frowned and sat down, picking up James' discarded magazine. Remus felt his blood heat up in rage as he grabbed the magazine and threw it away.

"You can't trust _me_?! Coming from the one that flirts with everyone he sees!" Remus said, his voice beginning to wobble slightly.

"Jesus Christ Remus...You can be a right foul git sometimes you know that?" Sirius shouted, pushing Remus against the wall behind him. Remus looked at him like he was nuts.

"Git? _me?_ You've got a cheek to talk you prat." He said, breathing heavily.

"Arsehole." Sirius growled, pushing Remus again.

"Man whore." Remus retorted, resisting the urge to push Sirius back.

"Monster."

They both froze as the word sunk in.

_monster._

Sirius started shaking as he threw himself at Remus, grabbing his hair and kissing every inch of his face he could find, sobbing apologies. Remus felt like someone had grabbed his heart and ripped it from his chest. It was an unwritten law of the Marauders that you never _ever_ use the word "Monster" as an insult to Remus. It was probably the worst thing Remus had ever been called. And to make it 100 times worse, Sirius had been the one to say it. He could faintly feel Sirius' lips all over him, crying the word "Sorry" Into his face and neck. Remus felt the tears streaking down his face.

_monster._

Remus untangled himself from Sirius and tried to run from the compartment, but Sirius pulling him back, holding his hands on either side of Remus' face. Remus looked into his eyes and saw he was crying too.

"Remus, Moony, please, I didn't mean it. I'm so sorry, so so so sorry! Please! Just punch me or shout at me, please!" He sobbed, pressing his forehead to Remus'

Remus just stared at him, his mouth refusing to move. He couldn't bring himself to shout at Sirius.

"I loved you Sirius." He whispered, his voice sounding hollow and dead. He heard another sob burst from inside Sirius as he turned and walked out of the compartment.

_Loved._

Past tense.

Sirius sat back down on the seat behind him and put his head in his hands. How could he do that? How could he call Moony _that_! His beautiful, amazing, talented, intelligent and _human_ Moony.

"Monster? I'm the worst monster there is." Sirius whispered to himself, before the tears began pouring down his face again.

* * *

**GOD. You have no idea how hard that was to write. *dramatic sigh* **

**REVIEW! **

**~PBA**


	5. Scars

******WARNING! SELF HARM IN THIS CHAPTER!**** **

**I was in a very ...dark... place when I wrote this chapter. (Metaphorically obviously)**

**REVIEW AND ENJOY! **

**~PureBloodArts**

* * *

_Dear Mr John Lupin,_

_Hello Mr Lupin, you probably don't remember me. I'm Sirius Black, Remus'...friend... I was just wondering if he was okay?  
_

_I've sent him around 15 letters and had none in return, I was just wondering if everything is okay._

_Thank you._

_Sirius._

**"""""""""""""""""""""""""""**

_Dear Sirius,_

_Hello M'boy! Of course I remember you! It's been a long time since I heard from you, Sirius, how have you been keeping?_

_How could I forget the boy who charmed all of our clothes to strut around the house and attack anyone who tried to uncharm them? How's your other friends? James and Peter? I haven't heard from them in a while either._

_Remus is fine, he tends to just sit out in the back garden, reading. I've tried to speak with him but every time I do, he just stares into space. I might have a word with him at dinner, make sure he's okay. I think it may be due to his mothers death._

_I'll make sure and ask him about your letters._

_John._

**""""""""""""""""""""""""""""**_  
_

_Dear John,__  
_

_I've been fine thanks, yourself?_

_Oh yeah! I forgot about that. One of my best works if you ask me haha._

_Typical Remus, It's summer and he's reading. I don't think it's to do with his mother. There was an... incident... on the train home from Hogwarts. We got into a bit of an argument and I overstepped the line a bit. Scrap that. I overstepped the line ** a lot.**  
_

_Could you tell him I'm sorry? And to please speak to me? I really miss him. A lot._

_Thanks._

_Sirius._

**"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""**_  
_

_Dear Sirius,_

_I'm okay, all things considered thanks._

_Definitely one of your best works haha._

_Oh I know, him and his bloody books, at least he isn't as bad with his books as he is with his chocolate. _

_Oh, why were you boys arguing? What was said? I won't be angry, I promise, you're both teenagers after all. _

_I spoke to him at dinner, he said he has been receiving your letters but he's "Not ready to reply." _

_I will pass on the message._

_John._

**""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""**_  
_

_Dear John,_

_I've bought a big box of chocolate frogs for him when I see him on the train. I can't wait to give them to him._

_We were arguing about a friend that Remus has, that I'm not overly fond of... Things just got pretty out of hand. I um...I'm ashed to even write this down._

_Please don't hate me. _

_I called him a monster. I don't know why I did it, I really don't. I'm a horrid, disgusting person and he has every right to hate me. But I miss him so much it hurts._

_I'm sorry. To both of you._

_Sirius._

**""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""**_  
_

_Dear Sirius,_

_He'll love them._

_Your not a bad person Sirius. I don't believe for a SECOND that Remus wasn't fighting back. I'm sure he was giving as good as he got. _

_He misses you too. He won't admit it but every time your owl comes, he brightens up slightly. I know he does._

_I wish I knew how to help, but I don't. I'm sorry Sirius._

_John._

Sirius read the letter five times before his brain finally came up with a game plan. He jumped from his bed in the Potters house and ran to find James.

"James! Prongs!" Sirius yelled, thankful that it was only James and him in the house. The Potters had gone to visit a friend of the family.

"I'm in here Padfoot." A voice called from his left. Sirius yanked open the door and burst into the room. James was sitting in the small living room, writing a letter to Lily.

"I need your invisibility cloak. Now." Sirius said, wringing his hands together.

"Why?" James asked, not looking up from his letter.

"I'm going to go see if Remus is okay." He said simply. James stopped writing and looked up, chewing his lip.

"Why do you need the cloak for that?" He asked, running a hand through his ungodly hair.

"If he sees me come, he might try and run away from me. I just need to see him James. Just once." Sirius said, his voice coated with guilt. James sighed and pulled the cloak from behind his pillow.

"Thanks Prongs." Sirius grinned, turning to enter the fireplace. He took a handful of Flu Powder and threw it into the fire, saying Remus' address clearly.

He felt the familiar heat and smelt the smoke as he landed softly in the fireplace of the Lupin house. He glanced around the room, making sure he was alone and threw the cloak on. He walked softly through the house, heading in the direction of Remus' bedroom. He reached the door, that was already wide open, and let out a sigh of relief as he saw Remus looking in his top drawer for something.

Sirius felt his heart beat faster and his face heat up as he looked at his boyfriend.

_Ex- _boyfriend. He reminded himself sadly. He shuffled in the room a bit more so he was standing at the bottom of Remus' bed, looking down at him. Remus sat down on the bed and pulled out a bottle of firewhiskey and something sharp and clear. He put the bottle to his lips and started drinking. Sirius frowned as he looked at Remus, eyes closed, lips closed over the bottle. He downed the whole thing and threw it across the room. Sirius felt his stomach flip as Remus drunkenly pulled back the arm of his jumper up around his elbow.

Scars.

Scars **everywhere**.

Not his usual transformation scars.

Self- Harm scars.

_Remus is self harming. It's all your fault. Are you happy now you absolute bastard? _A voice in the back of his mind, which sounded strangely like Lily Evans', told him.

He watched as he saw Remus trail a finger over a word he had carved into his arm. Sirius stood closer and felt his heart give a horrid stutter.

Monster.

He had carved the word Monster into his arm.

Sirius felt his stomach flip as he watched Remus push the glass into his forearm. He hissed in pain as the skin ripped and blood dripped out. He dragged the glass up his arm and almost reached his wrist.

Sirius had seen enough. He ripped the cloak off which made Remus freeze as he pulled the glass from his arm. Remus gasped in shock as he saw Sirius in front of him.

"_Remus Lupin! What the **fuck **are you doing?!"_

* * *

Remus groaned as he sat up, still feeling the pain from last weeks transformation. He rubbed a hand through his hair sat up from the couch he had fallen asleep on. He looked around and quickly remembered he was alone. His father had gone to help his aunt with her new born baby, Alice. Remus stood up and went straight to the place he always went when he was alone. He walked swiftly up to his bedroom and pulled open the top drawer of his bedside table and fumbled around looking for his shard of glass. His fingers traced over the cold bottle of Firewhiskey and a sharp edged piece of glass and he pulled them out as he sat down on his bed.

He pulled the top off of the bottle and placed it to his lips, trying not to groan as it burned his throat. He felt his pulse quicken as he finished the bottle and threw it across the room in a drunken haze.

He pulled back his jumper sleeve around his elbow. His eyes scanned the first thing he had ever cut into himself.

He traced his finger over the word "Monster" he had carved into himself.

He pushed the glass into his forearm and felt it rip his skin and saw blood trickle out, running down his arm. He hissed as he dragged the glass downwards, groaning as it pulled and ripped his skin.

He had started this routine back in the first week of Summer. After Sirius had called him..._that_.

It made him forget all of his mental problems, and forced his mind to focus only on his physical pain.

There was a sudden flurry of clothes in front of him and his drunken brain took a while to realize someone was standing in front of him.

_shitshitshitshit!_

Remus gasped as he felt those familiar rough, warm hands pull the glass from his arm and throw it down to the floor.

"_Remus Lupin! What the **fuck** are you doing?!" _Sirius screamed, pulling Remus up from the bed and dragging him to the nearest bathroom he could find and throwing Remus on to the cold floor. Remus stuttered drunkenly and tried to sit up unsuccessfully. Sirius growled and pulled his wand out and muttered two spells.

"sobrius, sanare."

Remus felt a cold wind blow over him as the alcohol left his system. He immediately sobered up and felt his fresh cut close up. Sirius stared down at him and felt the tears spill over. He knelled down so they were eye level with each other.

"I'm so sorry Remus. I'm sorry and I love you." He said, half sobbing. Remus scowled and scrapped a fist across his eyes, trying to hide his own tears.

"How can you you love a _monster_?" Remus whispered, his voice breaking. Sirius growled and grabbed Remus' face so that he was forced to look Sirius in the eyes.

"I love you. Nothing can stop me from doing so. I love you, Remus Lupin, _you_, the man. You are _human_- you are still the same person, the same kind, helpful, strong, caring man I fell in love with, and even the full moon can't transform my love for you into something else." Sirius said, his voice wobbling on every word. Remus was staring into his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. Sirius took a deep breath and started talking again.

"I'm begging for your forgiveness for the terrible thing I called you. I'm so sorry I called you a monster. I haven't been able to think clearly for a month because my brain has been full of you. I love you so much and I miss you every day. Please come back to me. Please forgive me Remus, I know I'm a stupid, cocky, loud-mouthed, arrogant arse, but I need you. I need you and your chocolate addiction. I need your warm, golden eyes and your messy, sexy hair. I'm sorry I made you do _this_" He grabbed Remus' scarred arm gently.

"I'm sorry. Even if you won't take me back, I need you to _promise_ me you won't ever, _ever_ hurt yourself again. Please. If I know you've hurt yourself because of me, it would destroy me."

Remus swallowed the sob that was building in his throat. That was possibly the most beautiful thing he had ever been told. Sirius. His beautiful, arrogant, sexy, loud, ridiculous, intelligent Sirius.

Sirius was staring at him, his eyes full of fear and shock. Remus pulled him down, crashing their lips together with as much force as he could. It took Sirius' brain a few seconds to catch up with what was happening. He kissed Him back with so much enthusiasm that Remus had to break away, panting for air. They pressed their foreheads together, breathing heavily, still crying.

"Merlin I've missed you." Remus whispered, closing his eyes. Sirius laughed for the first time in months and pressed their lips together again, causing Remus to shiver happily.

"Does this mean you still love me?" He asked against Remus' lips. Remus rolled his closed eyes and whispered one word into Sirius lips.

"Always."

* * *

**That took longer than expected... **

**I Hope you enjoy! Just ONE CHAPTER TO GO! *sob* **

**REVIEW! (What would you like to see in the next chapter?) **

**~PBA**


	6. Back to normal

**This is a message to the "Guest" Who inboxed me and told me my writing skills "Aren't worth shit." and my fanfiction "Is a load of crap compared to mine"**

**Look at your fanfiction.**

**Now Back at mine.**

**Now back at yours.**

**Sadly, your fanfiction isn't mine. But if you stopped being a rude, judgmental arsehole, maybe you could become a better writer.**

**Look down.**

**Look back up.**

**You're in front of your computer, reading my fanfiction.**

**Look in your hand. **

**Now back to me.**

**I have it, it's the keyboard which you typed out a rude and cruel message to me with.**

**Look again. **

**The keyboard is now a piece of paper and a pen, which you can use to practice your writing with. **

**Anything is possible when you stop being an arsehole.**

**I'm on a Hippogriff.**

_**ENJOY!**_** ~PurebloodArts**_  
_

* * *

John Lupin opened the front door to his house slowly, expecting to find his son asleep on the couch as usual. He crept in the house quietly and scanned the small living room, looking for Remus. He frowned to himself as he saw Remus wasn't there. He set his keys down on the table and kicked his shoes and jacket off. Yawning to himself, he walked to the kitchen to get a drink.

He was about to open the kitchen door when he heard a strange noise coming from his left. He turned and faced his sons bedroom door, which was shut tight. He frowned and pressed his ear to the door, trying to hear what was causing the strange noise.

"Mmph..."

John frowned deeper and put his hand to the door, turning the handle slowly. He opened the door slightly, straining his ears to hear what was causing the noise. He jumped slightly as he heard someone yelp in pain. His eyebrows raised and his parental instincts took over. Thinking something was happening to cause his son pain, he opened the door wide.

"Remus?" John said, stepping carefully into the dark room. His voice was drowned out though by a loud groan.

If John wasn't holding the door handle so tightly, he would have fallen to the floor in shock.

"What the **hell**!"

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

There had been a few occasions in Sirius' life when he felt well and truly embarrassed.

Like that time during quidditch when his trousers got caught on his broom and ripped off mid flight, leaving Sirius clad only in a pair of boxers.

Or the time that James and Remus had seen him cry like a baby over a stupid muggle love movie.

But nothing.

**Nothing.**

Was more embarrassing than having Remus' dad walk in, while Sirius was rather roughly and loudly grinding Remus into the mattress.

"_Remus!_"

Remus just laughed in reply, trying not to scream. He shifted his legs slightly, causing an almost animal noise to escape Sirius' lips.

"Mmph..."

Sirius shifted his hand slightly and caused Remus to yelp.

"Bastard!" Remus chuckled. Sirius winked and flipped over.

Remus grinned as he pushed Sirius into the matress.

"What the **Hell**!"

Sirius' eyes snapped open and he saw Remus staring at him, confusion all over his face.

"What did you just say?" Sirius whispered, causing Remus to frown.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Remus said, his eyes widening.

Sirius turned his head to the side and saw something that made him want to die.

Remus' father was standing in the doorway, his mouth hanging open and his eyes as wide as plates. He looked like he was going to throw up.

Sirius yelped and rolled off of Remus who was staring at his father, looking very very pale. He grabbed the blankets and pulled them up so they were covering them both.

Remus opened his mouth and shut it again, resembling a goldfish.

"I...Um...I'm so sorry dad." He stuttered, flushing bright red.

Sirius groaned again and put his head in his hands.

John let out a small cough and blushed, looking down at the floor.

"Erm...So you two are...um..an item?" He asked, being careful to avoid looking at his son.

"Yeah..um..we are..." Remus answered, chewing his lip. Sirius glanced and John and saw him smiling slightly.

"I always assumed you were...well...y'know." He said, laughing slightly at the awkward look on the boys faces. "Just be...careful. And if you're going to...do _things_...Please put a silencing charm up." He said, before awkwardly leaving the room and closing the door.

There was a horrible silence before Sirius burst out laughing, his brain foggy from the shock of what happened. Remus stared at him and pushed him slightly, just making Sirius laugh more.

Tears streaming down his face from laughing, he propped himself up on his elbows, looking at Remus, who was still bright red.

"Told you he would be okay with us." Sirius said, a smug smile playing at his lips.

Remus growled at him and muttered "Bloody walking in on us shagging! Bloody hell.."

Sirius laughed again and Remus threw a pillow at him. He ducked it and pounced on Remus, straddling him.

"Shall we continue where we left off?"

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed Sirius off him, grumbling under his breath.

"Great bloody moron."

Sirius merely winked and wrapped his arms around the werewolves waist.

"I'm glad everything's back to normal." He smiled, tucking his head into the crook of Remus' neck.

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Me too."

Remus smiled, and felt himself start to slowly drift into unconsciousness when he heard Sirius snore loudly, making him jump. He sighed and smiled down at Sirius' sleeping body.

Everything was back to normal, and he couldn't be happier about it.

* * *

**I am working on a sequal! Keep a look out for "Promises and Wishes"**

**We have reached the end! *dramatic sob***

**Sorry it's so short, I've got a hell of a lot of homework to do.**

**REVIEW! Thank you for reading!**

**~PBA**


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